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“That’s not fair!” I have heard that statement for years and sometimes it’s not fair. Life is not always fair. If you get a ticket for speeding 5 mph over the limit should you have to pay the same as someone going 20 mph over the limit? The punishment must fit the crime or it’s not fair. If your child comes home 5 minutes late, should it be the same punishment as if they came home 2hours late or if they don’t come home at all? Before I choose to speed, I know the consequence is a speeding ticket. That ticket will be issued for $52 + $4 for every mph over the speed limit. The faster you go, the more you must pay. If your children know how much it’s going to cost them for being late, you don’t have to be mad when it happens and they can’t say it’s not fair. The fine or punishment was agreed on before hand. We have learned rewarding good behavior is better then punishing bad behavior. Look for anything your child does well, and give them praise.
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#4 What will happen if your child comes home after their curfew? Is there any difference in discipline if the child is late by 10 minutes? By 30 minutes? By 2 hours? Do you have a plan? Setting up the ‘what if’s’ ahead of time can save you some effort later when you allow your child the freedom to leave your home and return at a certain time. Make sure the arrival time ‘inside the house’ is established before they walk out. Make sure the child understands what will happen to their freedom if they are late. This works best if it is agreed on by both parties, on paper and signed. Here is an example conversation: “I want you to be in the house by 10:00pm tonight. If you are late by any amount of time, you will loose your privileges for the next week. No excuses will be acceptable. Agreed?” Be specific and never assumethey know what you mean. Put it on paper, if they come in late you can feel sorry for their loss, you do not have to be mad at them. If they walk in late, all you have to do is hold your hand out for the keys. No arguing, they can only be mad at themselves. Stick to the ‘ No Excuses’ if you bend the rules this time, they will expect you to bend them again. The more mature a child acts, the more freedom they should get. The more immature a child acts, the less freedom they should get. The more freedom the child has, the more they learn about themselves. |
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